Funny how life recently reminded me that though there's excitement and soulful satisfaction in finding new and dependable friends, there's also treasure to be found in our existing social circles.
The process to find, date and possibly date "seriously" is one I enjoy, but if it continues at a regular pace (over about 6 months to a year) it can be exhausting. You invest a lot when sharing details about yourself. Plus, you need to listen and try to understand what others are sharing with you.
If we turn to our friends for laughter, for adventure, in times of need and seek their advice as the people who know us best, why do we immediately discount their viability as good relationship material?
I know, I know... you're laughing. It's taboo -- friends don't date. Ever given any thought to how this may be contributing negatively to our community and not as the protector of social norms most think it is?
I hear "But the Gay community is sooooo small -- everyone's dated everyone else." There's no question -- a lot of us have indeed dated others within the same circles, but why does this shock or annoy us? Why does the fact that our community is interconnected bother some? Why does it sound like some would prefer the anonymity that a much larger city could provide? Ever traveled and spent time in cities like Seattle, San Diego, LA, Atlanta and NY? Guess what -- the boys in those cities complain that the Gay community is too interconnected, too small, etc.
See, the grass isn't always greener... sometimes it's Astroturf.
I think those who don't act chivalrously and those who seek to destroy others with rumors are the real influence working to make our community feel cramped. I think that 90% of Gay Portland is wonderful -- amazing people who are in the process of, or have accomplished incredible things.
Take a good look around if you are looking for love. Check the "blind spot" you have have created in your immediate group of friends -- there's no telling who or what you may find.
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